writing

HOA related PTSD – part two

Posted on by Grace Day

In my previous post I mentioned that I occasionally suffer from HOA inspired PTSD, usually triggered when I receive one of their “love letters” in the mail, which are always very formal and truly foreboding. My most recently received letter concerning an overgrowth of weeds in my turf, triggered memories of letters past, such as the one I received in the not so distant past (at least not distant enough to no longer be remembered) about my mailbox. Now my mailbox was and is regulation, meaning it meets HOA requirements, and was in good condition. The problem? The numbers and letters of my address on one side of the mailbox were somewhat faded by the sun and I guess this was unacceptable to my HOA.

This was a violation that needed to be corrected, hence the letter I received. I considered my options carefully. I could paint over the numbers and letters on the questionable side of the mailbox BUT what if the color didn’t match exactly the color on the other side? Would I receive another letter for noncompliance with mailbox rules? Ok, I could paint the letters and numbers on the other side of my mailbox at the same time, with the same color, so they would match, BUT what if this color didn’t match exactly the color on the mailboxes of my neighbors? Would I then get another foreboding love letter from my friendly HOA?

What to do? We are all required to purchase our mailboxes and the posts that hold them from the same vendor or company to ensure uniformity. There are no choices we have to make regarding color, shape, height of post, style of lettering and numbers, materials used, etc. There are no deviations allowed. Uniformity is key. My HOA obviously does not have a DEI officer on the board. I deduce this from the fact that there is no diversity, only uniformity when it comes to mailboxes and other rules such as no grass over four inches high, (see previous post) no dandelions etc.

Although, I must admit they are getting the equity part down pretty well. We purchase our mailboxes from the same place, getting the same thing. No upgrades or additions are allowed. All our mailboxes are the same and therefore they are all equal. No mailbox is fancier, prettier, or more interesting by virtue of being a different color or design or decorated differently so as to stand out from the other mailboxes. This effectively eliminates “mailbox envy syndrome” which, if left untreated, can lead to discord, unrest and potentially worse in the neighborhood.

So, my HOA is just looking out for me and my neighbors by eliminating sources of competition and envy among us before they can occur. I need to find other ways of expressing my individuality, since I can’t do it through my mailbox choices. HOAs tend to favor compliance over creativity. No ostentatious yard displays of any kind permitted. Tasteful landscaping is preferred for all and HOA rules apply equally to everyone. (well, except in the case of my neighbor’s plentiful dandelions, as it appears they were not included in the “excessive weeds in turf” letters) I’m sure it was just an oversight because my HOA is nothing if not inclusive. I’m certain they did not mean to exclude my neighbors from the mailing of the “weed” letters. It was just an unfortunate oversight.

Sometimes my HOA related PTSD is worse than at other times. Usually triggered by the receipt of one of their “corrective” letters, it can then linger as I anticipate with dread when the next letter might come. It’s not good to live one’s life “waiting for the other shoe to drop” or for the next HOA letter to arrive. There’s got to be a better way or a better place. Well, maybe not in this life, but there is hope for a future free from PTSD of any kind. I read about this in Revelation where it is described in these words –

“Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” (Revelation 21:3-4)

This sounds like a place where I want to live! No HOA needed. Nothing to cause me or anyone else “mailbox envy syndrome” or any form of PTSD. The grass probably just maintains itself at the proper, approved height. No warning letters need ever be sent out to the residents who dwell with God. And I don’t have to wonder if they’ll be a place for me when I get there. I have Jesus’s promise on this. He told His disciples –

“In My Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with Me that you also may be where I am.” (John 14:2-3)

This is great news! There is a place waiting for me in eternity. I will not be alone either. Jesus said specifically, “that you may be where I am.” And you know what I think? I bet my Heavenly Father will let me decorate my place that He is preparing just for me, any way I want. It won’t have to look like my neighbors’ places. There will be no HOA in heaven! No more vaguely threatening legal letters striking fear into my heart. There will be diversity of design and of decor!

Just by looking around at the infinite varieties of flowers or of trees or of birds or of animals in general, I can know that our Creator loves diversity and creativity and individuality. And since we are created in His image, we too naturally crave creativity, individuality and the diversity that naturally results from our individual, creative pursuits. And it’s an all inclusive place that’s being prepared for you and me, dear readers. No HOA rules or regulations to exclude us from our eternal residence in our eternal neighborhood. God’s invitation is open to all!

“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)

The place that is being prepared for me sounds like a really great place – a place where I am included, a place where I can be myself, the person God created me to be. Actually, I’ll be the best version of myself since God’s corrective and creative work in me will be completed when I move into my new place. Paul reminded the Philippians of this in his letter when he said –

“being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6)

So my HOA related PTSD will no longer exist when I at last inherit and inhabit the place my Heavenly Father is preparing for me even now. I bet they don’t even have mailboxes there – no need for them. And I won’t have to worry about what will happen to me in fifteen days if my compliance with the current HOA letter’s concern is not complete. Beyond that, I truly can’t imagine just how good is the place my Heavenly Father is preparing for me, although I am given this heads up –

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him” (1 Corinthians 2:9)

I can’t wait! BUT – in the meantime, you will be relieved to know that I did purchase a new mailbox, rather than attempt painting over the address on my current, perfectly good mailbox. Hopefully, I am now in good standing with my HOA, and I pray this continues. But one never knows when the next foreboding letter informing one of gross dereliction and of the resulting dire consequences will arrive in my now HOA compliant mailbox. Soon, just going to the mailbox will trigger my PTSD. BUT I have hope. I am looking forward to the fulfillment of this promise from God –

“Behold, I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind. But be glad and rejoice forever in what I will create, for I will create Jerusalem to be a delight and its people a joy. I will rejoice over Jerusalem and take delight in My people; the sound of weeping and of crying will be heard in it no more.” (Isaiah 65:17-19)

looking forward to my new address,

sincerely, Grace Day

cyber silence

Posted on by Grace Day

I am not an AT&T customer, but recently some who do use this cell provider experienced an “interruption” in their service. This lack of connection, although not unduly lengthy, caused great concern to the many people who use this carrier and who depend on their phones daily for communication, for business, for news, for directions, diversion, entertainment and updates of all sorts. According to individuals who were affected, with whom I spoke (in person) during this “service outage”, it was not a good experience to say the least. They could not conduct business as usual, could not contact family, friends, co-workers or others they needed to speak with, couldn’t make plans or let others know of plans that had changed. The people affected by this break in their cell service talked about having feelings of isolation and of anxiety during this period when they were without cell service.

For those of us who lived most of our lives (and quite successfully I might add) in a world without cell phones, it now comes as a surprise, (or maybe shock would be a better word?) just how dependent we have become on our phones in such a short time. Today, our phones keep us continuously connected to the world around us. We no longer have to wait for the evening paper to get the day’s news. We have it instantly. Conversations that used to take place in person or not at all, now take place online via text or twitter (X) or Facebook or some other social media platform. Life is now lived in a very public cyberspace rather than in the very personal face to face.

And that’s the thing about cyberspace – it doesn’t have a face. It can’t provide the personal touch that we all long for even if we won’t admit to it. We can’t gaze into Cyberspace’s eyes. We can’t see Cyberspace smile or scowl or frown at us during our conversation. Cyberspace doesn’t give hugs or high-fives. Emojis simply do not measure up to in person interactions which are filled with human emotion. Emojis are one dimensional. We humans are multi-dimensional beings created body, mind and spirit in God’s image. Emojis don’t actually have emotions or feelings of any kind. Ironic right?

Some nameless, faceless entity in cyberspace may know all about me – may have all my personal info, but this is not the same thing as actually knowing me personally. This is not a reciprocal relationship that Cyberspace and I have. Not even close. Cyberspace may have all the “goods” on me, but I know nothing about them, probably because “they” are not a person! Therefore, “they” are not knowable. (even though “they” claim to know me) I can’t have a real relationship with Cyberspace. But many of us have settled for a life lived in the one dimensional realm of cyberspace, rather than in the very real world of face to face, person to person human relationships.

And while I’m on the subject, let me just say that not only does Cyberspace not have a face, it also doesn’t have a heart. This is why cyberspace is such a poor substitute indeed for the infinitely more satisfying face to face, real time, shared experience of spending time with other people (who do have a heart) instead of with one’s phone. Today many of us continue spending time with our phones, even while we are physically (but not mentally or emotionally) present with other people. This overly close, may I say even co-dependent, relationship many of us have with our phones, may explain the angst, the fear, the unsettled uncertainty, the anxiety and the feelings of isolation and depression many people experienced when they were without their cell service during this recent, unexplained interruption in service.

We were created for connection. We ignore this truth at our own peril. We are designed for connection with our Creator, God, and for connection with each other. It is these connections with other human beings that allow us to form the bonds of community. We were created to live in community with others, not in isolation. Maybe that’s why not having cell service, even for only part of a day, brought on such strong reactions of anxiety and fear. People felt isolated and alone. We have neglected the power of the personal for so long in favor of the cyberspace experience, that when cyberspace fails to function, we are at a loss as to how to proceed.

Many worry that there will be more interruptions of cell phone service in the future, leaving us disconnected and anxious each time. We have no control over the nameless, faceless “they” that has the power to shut down our phones, thereby disconnecting us from everyone and everything we count on to get us through our day. But in these uncertain times, I have the assurance that there is one with whom I will never lose communication – my Heavenly Father. “He will never leave me nor forsake me.” (Deuteronomy 31:8) No cell service blackout can sever this connection!

The earthly powers that be, may be able to shut off human communication systems, BUT they can do nothing to shut off or to prevent communication between myself and God nor can they interfere with communication between God and His people. That’s you and I, dear readers. (“We are His people, the sheep of His pasture.”) This truth is the hope that sustains and drives out all fear.

I don’t need working cell service in order to talk to my Heavenly Father. He is not “just a phone call away.” God is already here with me. He is omnipresent. He abides in me and I in Him.

“For in Him (God) we live and move and have our being.” (Acts 17:28)

He “knows the way that I take.” He will not lose track of me even when I get “off track” for whatever reason.

My Heavenly Father hears me. “Before a word is on my tongue, He knows it already.”

Cyberspace may go silent, but the heavens never do, nor will they ever go silent. God is always speaking. I just need to listen.

“Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)

even when there is cyber silence, there will never be heavenly silence –

“The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.” (Psalm 19:1-4)

sincerely, Grace Day