family

my car knows best?

Posted on by Grace Day

Maybe you recall from some previous posts that I am dealing with a new car after twelve years of being comfortable with my previous car. Now I bought the exact same kind of car, but even so, apparently a lot changes in twelve years. My new car is very bossy. It seems to think it knows better than I do and consequently it does a lot of things without consulting me first. It bothers me that my car seems to think it knows best, rather than allowing me to be the one calling the shots. A battle is definitely brewing between my car and myself. It is a battle to decide who’s in charge.

I guess it’s not all negative however. For instance, when I get into my car, my seat automatically adjusts to a position that I have previously chosen and “set” with the controls. When I open my door to get out of the car, my seat automatically slides back, giving me more room to get out, I guess making my exit from the car easier. It’s a nice gesture on my car’s part. I guess I can live with that.

Then there’s the lights. My car is in charge of them. I used to be the one turning them on and off manually. Not so anymore. My car decides when the lights come on and go off. And my car does this with the “brights” also. My car turns them on when she deems it necessary and turns them off when she decides it is appropriate to do so. I have to admit though, my car seems to get this right. When there is oncoming traffic, she turns the brights off in plenty of time, so as not to “blind” the drivers in the approaching cars. She does a better job than I would do actually, because sometimes I forget to turn off my brights and I definitely don’t like it when approaching drivers fail to turn their brights off. I guess they don’t have a car that makes those critical decisions for them?

Then there’s the radio. Now sometimes I am listening to a favorite song or an interesting discussion or some news and I arrive at my destination but I want to continue listening for a few more seconds or minutes. In the past, I would turn off my engine to save gas but continue sitting in my car listening to the radio. I can’t do that anymore. When I turn off the engine, my car turns off the radio. So if I want to continue listening to the radio, I have to keep my car running even though I am sitting in a parking space or in my garage. Doesn’t my car realize that I want to save gas AND continue to listen to my radio program at the same time? Previously, the two were not mutually exclusive. Why should I have to choose one over the other now? My car refuses to negotiate on this point.

Then there’s the seat heater. My old car had this feature and I loved it. I could have it “off” or on “low” or on “high.” I was in charge of this decision. Now my new car decides if it is cold enough for the seat heater to turn on or not. I can see by the lights on the button on the dash for this feature if it is off, or if it has one, two or three lights on. Because it has been very cold this past month, I usually see three lights lit on the seat heater control when I first start out. But soon it has been turned off. Now if I were in charge of this decision, the seat heater would still be on. I like being warm. But my car has decided that my seat is warm enough and has made the decision for me to turn it off. I guess my car thinks it knows best. But I disagree. I really want to be the one in charge.

I have mentioned my car’s bad behavior in the carwash in a previous post. My car also does this when I pull into the garage. She beeps frantically, panicking because she erroneously believes I am going to hit what’s in front of me. But if I stop before her beeping starts, I am not far enough into my garage to allow the garage door to close behind us. My car does not understand this and no amount of reasoning on my part can change her mind. (if she has one, which she doesn’t – she has only preprogramed instructions better known as A.I.)

My car is also a bit of a hypocrite. She won’t let me play the radio once the engine is off, but she leaves the lights on after the engine is off and even after I get out of the car, her lights are still on, even as I walk away from her. I have a confession – I always stop a short distance away and watch, waiting to be sure she turns off her lights. She does, but what if she forgets? Leaving car lights on is what drains your battery and then your car won’t start. I once had that happen with the interior ceiling light of my old car. I turned it on to search for something, then shut the car and walked away. When I returned, the battery was dead.

Another thing my car does is turn herself off when I am stopped in traffic. She restarts automatically when I take my foot off the brake. I guess this is good because it should save gas, thereby saving me money, and that is always a good thing. Although I have noticed that sometimes my car restarts when I am still stopped in traffic. I don’t know why. Did she just decide on her own that she had been idle too long? Who knows? I thought that was my decision to make – when to take my foot off the brake and activate my engine, but I guess not? Ultimately, my car is making that decision for me.

And so I am participating in this battle of the wills with my car. Who is really in charge here? Much of the time, I feel like it is my car who is making the decisions. She won’t even start if I don’t have my foot on the brake. I feel like this is unnecessary. My old car would start without that as long as it was in “park.” In fact, with really older cars, we used to start them with one foot on the gas to rev the engine, to get it going if it was having trouble starting. (of course the car was in “park”)

My car will beep alarmingly if there are cars passing to the right or to the left of me. She beeps when I pull in or out of parking spaces if she thinks I am getting too close. (sometimes that is the only way into or out of a parking space – you cut it close, but you make it – you have a visual of the situation)

I guess my car is just looking out for me. She is trying to protect me from harm with all the warning beeping going on and with the working of my headlights for me. She tries to save me gas, and she turns off her own lights and locks herself up as I walk away. I had to turn off the lights and lock my old car myself. I kind of liked being in charge of those things. Although, I guess if I forgot to do those things I would end up with a dead battery or a stolen car or the contents of my car taken. So maybe my new car does have my back. Although she does lock herself up before I am done unloading the groceries and this is annoying.

Still, I have to ask myself if my relationship with my car mirrors in some aspects the relationship that I have with my Heavenly Father. Is it a constant battle for who will be in charge? Do I question whether my Creator knows best? I certainly question whether or not my car knows best. I feel like my A.I. driven car (pun intended) has an agenda and I’m not really sure what it is or if I can trust it.

My Heavenly Father definitely has an agenda for me, an agenda He does not hide from me, an agenda I can trust because I can trust Him. He’s pretty upfront about His plans for me and His intentions towards me. In Jeremiah and Isaiah respectively, I read –

” ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’ ” (Jeremiah 29:11)

“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him!” (Isaiah 30:18)

Jesus told His disciples –

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10)

Psalm 121 also makes clear to me that my Heavenly Father does have my back and (unlike my car) does know best –

“My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip – He who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you – the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm – He will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.” (Psalm 121:2-8)

” . . . in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.” (Colossians 2:3)

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

“I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like Me. I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.” (Isaiah 46:9-10)

God knows best – my car? not so much . . .

sincerely, Grace Day

the woman in the wheelchair

Posted on by Grace Day

She is always there on Sunday mornings, the woman in the wheelchair. I don’t remember when I first noticed her, but eventually I took note if she wasn’t there in her usual spot behind the last pew in the sanctuary. To me, she was somewhat of a mysterious figure, bundled up and hunched over in her wheelchair, her gray head bowed a bit and a mask (maybe a vestige of the recent covid era) covering most of her face. She didn’t appear to be with anyone or to have any family with her. I found myself wondering who was she? Had she always been in a wheelchair? How had she ended up here?

We each have a story and I was curious to learn hers – the unique story belonging to her alone, the life story of the woman I knew only as the woman in the wheelchair. In time, I introduced myself and learned her name. That changed things. She is no longer just the woman in the wheelchair, she has a name and a face. She is Ginger. (I wonder if her hair was red when she was young? I haven’t asked her that yet)

We now greet each other every Sunday, but my curiosity has remained about the long life she has obviously already lived and about the events that have transpired to bring her here to this church at this time in her life. Everyone has a story that runs much deeper than meets the eye and I wanted to know hers. Bits and pieces of her story have been revealed over time and like any good story, hers contains both triumph and tragedy, hardship and heartbreak, success and failure, doubt and faith.

Not so different from my story nor yours, dear reader, I suspect – Ginger’s is a story of endurance. She is still showing up on Sunday mornings to worship God, despite her past hardships, despite her present situation and the obstacle her wheelchair presents in this very old, unmodernized, church building. She continues to show up in faith and hold onto hope. (while some of us let less than perfect weather or any small thing dissuade us from going to church on a Sunday morning) Just her presence in church, the presence of the woman in the wheelchair, is inspiration and conviction enough for me and perhaps for others, too. God continues to use us in each and every season of our lives.

I use the word endurance because my friend’s life has not been easy. (notice I now call her my friend, instead of the woman in the wheelchair) She’s been married and divorced, employed and unemployed, lived in affluence and been homeless. She did share with me some stories from her panhandling days. Begging on the streets is not only difficult but downright dangerous, especially for a woman. God has brought her through those years to the relative safety of where she is today. This is a testament to God’s faithfulness to her and to each of us, reminding me of these words –

“if we are faithless, He will remain faithful, for He cannot disown Himself.” (2 Timothy 2:13)

“Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; He is the faithful God, keeping His covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep His commands.” (Deuteronomy 7:9)

Perhaps my friend has learned the secret that Paul learned and shared in his letter to the church at Philippi –

” . . . I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:11-13)

Ginger continues to need the strength God gives, as life continues to be full of challenges to overcome. But of course, that is true for me and for you as well. Life is challenging, wheelchair or no wheelchair. Although alone in the world by all appearances, she now has a church family to love her. It brings me joy to see some of the grade school age children come up to her and give her big hugs after church. In her wheelchair, she is just the right height to receive their embraces and converse with them face to face. Reminds me of these words from Psalms –

“God sets the lonely in families,” (Psalm 68:6)

as I write this, I am thinking that to God, Ginger has never been, nor is she now, simply the woman in the wheelchair. She is so much more. She is His dearly loved daughter, and He has never left her nor forsaken her. He knows her by name (as do I now) and He knows every hair on her head. Ginger, like Job, can say with confidence these words –

“But He (God) knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold.” (Job 23:10)

She has certainly endured a lot in her lifetime and continues to do so. BUT – in the end I hope my friend can say these words along with Paul –

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day – and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for His appearing.” (2 Timothy 4:7-8)

fun fact – a small, jeweled, crown-shaped hair ornament always adorns my friend’s gray topknot hairstyle and her nickname is “Queenie” – perhaps a foreshadowing of things to come . . .

sincerely, Grace Day

mom’s day memories

Posted on by Grace Day

Another Mother’s Day without Mom has come and gone. These days are always bittersweet for me. I used to spend them with my Mom, but now that’s not an option. Mother’s Day may be bitter because Mom is no longer here with us, but it is also sweet because the memories of her that keep me company, are good ones. Still, they are a poor substitute for the real thing – my mom. I have to say I feel cheated out of more time with her. There were things we wanted to do – a trip to her alma mater, a trip to our old vacation spot, a genealogy to research – so many questions I want to ask her now, but time has run out. I always thought there would be more time – more time to spend with her when things slowed down. But I was wrong. Life never slowed down, and time ran out.

At least the memories I have are good ones. It’s just that there are not nearly enough of them. I would have liked to have had more years of memories made, before I no longer had the opportunity to spend time with mom. But we don’t get to choose the number of our days. So I will be grateful for all the years I did have with mom, even as I continue to feel her absence keenly as the years come and go without her. I guess we never outgrow our need for our moms.

And time has a way of preserving the good memories and letting fade away any not so good memories – the typical mother/daughter struggles of the teenage years, for example. I am left with memories of her love and faithfulness and self-sacrificing service for her family and her friends, for her church and her community. A good role model but awfully big shoes to fill.

Yesterday, I chose to be grateful for the years I did have mom, even as I couldn’t help but grieve the years I’ve been without her. She left me a legacy of love that time will not erase. This is something that brings me joy every day, not just on Mother’s Day. I will honor mom’s legacy by trying to live a life of faithful service as she did. This is a challenge that will keep me fully engaged, one that is not for the faint of heart. Mom persevered through many tough trials and situations in life. She didn’t quit, she did not give up. And in the end, she was victorious over those situations that could have defeated her. And we were all the better for it.

As a recipient of Mom’s legacy, I want to honor her by carrying it forward. She was never a victim, always an overcomer. She overcame by staying the course, never giving up. In today’s culture we are all too ready to jump ship when things get tough. Consequently, we don’t experience the reward that awaits us at the end of our long, tough road. Reminds me of these words –

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9)

Mom never gave up. She never gave up on anyone, her family or her friends. That’s a part of her legacy. Never give up hope. There is always hope for restoration, for reconciliation. Her faith believed these words of Jesus –

“With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)

In one of the Ten Commandments we are told to “Honor your father and your mother,” – I want to continue to do that even though Mom is no longer here. I can honor her by living out the legacy she left to me – her legacy – a legacy of love, of hope and of faith. She gave my sisters and me so much in life. Upon reflection, it appears she gave us just as much or more in death.

Thanks, Mom. I think I’m still learning the lessons you tried so hard to teach me while you were still here. Your efforts were not in vain. They are making a difference daily in my life. Wish you were here with me, but your legacy and memory remain to guide and to keep me company on my way. Wish I would have told you these things before it was too late. Hope you know how much you are loved, Mom.

sincerely, Grace Day