The room was full of people and yet it was strangely quiet. I looked around but couldn’t make eye contact with anyone. I asked a question and was a little put out that no one answered until I realized that no one heard me. The explanation for this is not hearing loss, but the fact that if not wearing headphones, which are obvious, most had earbuds in, which meant they were listening to something or someone else, rendering them oblivious to their present surroundings, which included me. Everyone seemed to be “otherwise occupied.” Translation – they were all looking intently at their phones.

Whatever happened to the popular mantra – “be fully present where you are”? or “be fully present in the moment”? It seems to have been replaced with “don’t engage with those physically present with you – it could be difficult, draining or downright dangerous.” The cyberspace world is more comfortable for people today, I guess. Maybe because it is more easily controlled? (I can make a quick exit at any time with the added bonus of blaming it on technology if I need to throw someone under the bus) Maybe it’s because cyberspace requires less of me than personal interactions do? Or is it because people say things online that they wouldn’t say in person, face to face, with cyberspace’s anonymity and distance providing cover from any immediate consequences?

Do we now relegate reality to something to be avoided in favor of cyberality? Ok – cyberality is not officially a word, but new words get added to the lexicon every day. I submit “cyberality” as a new word for this year. Actually, this is long overdue. We are spending increasingly more time online, or in cyberality, than ever before. This leaves us less time to spend with the people who are physically present with us in the moment, or at best our attention is divided between the two worlds – cyberality and reality. We are rendered both more connected and more isolated simultaneously as we choose to spend more of our time online and less of our time interacting in person with the people around us, whether that be at the dinner table, at work or wherever we are.

BUT – cyberality, cyber relationships, all the time we spend online – none of this seems to satisfy us. Instead we are lonelier than ever. We continue to long for more. Which makes sense because we were created for more. We were created for relationship by a personal Creator who created you and me specifically for relationship with Him and for relationships with each other. Job gave voice to this innate desire of ours to know our Creator, when he said –

“I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end He will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; I myself will see Him with my own eyes – I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me!” (Job 19:25-27)

Job longed for the face to face encounter with God, as we all do if we are honest about our deepest desires, those we dare not voice even to ourselves. Ecclesiastes gives us a clue as to why this is so –

“He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

You and I were created for personal relationships, relationships born out of and sustained by face to face encounters. Anything less leaves us longing for something more than what cyberality provides. Paul describes our plight this way in Corinthians –

“Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.” (1 Corinthians 13:12)

I wonder if today this verse would more accurately read “now we see but a poor reflection on a phone screen or a computer screen”, since this seems to be a primary mode of interaction with others, too often replacing face to face interactions. This explains why you and I can be lonely in a room full of people. You or I may be present with others in body but that is all. If I am, or those around me are, gazing intently into phone screens, they become as invisible to me as I am invisible to them, as long as we remain focused solely on our phone screens.

Remember the old expression “phoning it in”? It means giving a half-hearted effort, going through the motions or doing the bare minimum. This expression is said to have originated in the 1930’s as a joke among theater actors who had such a small role, they said they could call on the phone rather than appear on the stage in person. How ironic that today we allow our phones to substitute for in person interactions we would otherwise have. We “phone it in” in our personal relationships.

My Heavenly Father does not want me to “phone it in” when it comes to my relationship with Him. After all, He didn’t “phone it in” – He left heaven and came here in the flesh, in person – in the person of Jesus Christ. He came to give you and I the face to face interaction that we desperately needed to experience. John tells us –

“The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. We have seen His glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.” (John 1:14)

The face to face experience – that is what you and I were created for. This is what we long for. This is why the poor reflection of a mirror or of a phone screen, cannot ultimately satisfy our longing for real relationships. Only the face to face encounter can do that. King David knew this to be true. (way before phone screens even existed) Must be why he said this to God in a psalm –

“Because I am righteous, I will see You. When I awake, I will see You face to face and be satisfied.” (Psalm 17:15)

King David was satisfied with the face to face, something that our online, cyberality experience can never truly do for us. Real life relationships are harder, more painful but ultimately more rewarding and more satisfying. Jesus came to give us the face to face experience at great cost to Himself and great benefit for me and for you, dear readers. And now we have this to look forward to –

“Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” (Revelation 21:3-4)

no more “through a glass darkly” or “poor reflection in a mirror” or phone screen cyberality relationships – just the true reality of the face to face in God’s glorious Presence! I will gladly trade in my phone screen for that! How about you?

sincerely, Grace Day