no one saw the empty space, nor knew there was such a space that needed filling- not even I knew of the emptiness’s existence; for the space had always been as it was, I knew nothing different. What might have filled the empty space had things been different than they were? A father’s presence and protection, kind words of comfort or of praise, a hand to hold or shoulder for strength and reassurance? I did not miss what I had never known. The space had always been empty, that was what was real.
He was drowning in his own sorrow, a sorrow I could not see, did not know, would not understand until years later, when hindsight’s reflection reveals those hidden mysteries a child cannot carry until it be another season. And so I watched him drowning, day after day; I, a captive audience to his pain, to his daily battle with a bottle – and I had not the means to rescue him nor provide him any peace amid his pain . . .
mine to watch in hope and wait – his pain spilling over into the empty space left by his absence from my life, his pain seeping in, soaking everything it touches; pain filling the space where a father should be, and those special spaces reserved for joy and childhood wonder . . .
I wanted to be a princess like those in my childhood fairy tales – but there was no king to care for me; (though the queen’s love was steadfast and sure). I awaited the prince who would one day rescue me – but he turned out to be a cruel impostor . . leaving me more empty spaces than before . . .
” And God placed all things under His feet and appointed Him to be head over everything for the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him, who fills everything in every way.” (Ephesians 1:22-23)
” . . . His name is the Lord – and rejoice before Him. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, ” (Psalm 68:4-6)
“Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” (Psalm 27:10)
“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” (1 John 3:1)
“The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (Deuteronomy 31:8)
now, from hindsight’s clearer view, as I reflect on these verses, words that reassure me that my Heavenly Father has been with me all along, I know that it is His presence that fills my empty spaces – spaces left empty by the absence of those I love . . . He has always been with me in those spaces, even when I thought and felt them empty, He was there . . . He who fills everything in every way, my Heavenly Father is omnipresent – the train of His robe fills the temple, His majesty fills heaven and earth and His mercy, grace and love fill not only my heart, but all the empty spaces that living life here on this earth, leave for Him to fill. My Heavenly Father is able to fill all my empty spaces to overflowing out of His abundant, infinite supply.
“You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.” (Psalm 23:5)
sincerely, Grace Day