I’m sitting in an unfamiliar classroom today. Actually, for the last few days now if truth be told. Why is this noteworthy? Because I’ve worked as a substitute teacher in this large high school every day of this school year and pretty much every day for the past couple of school years – ever since reopening after covid, actually. So I’ve been in just about every classroom there is, including orchestra, gym, life skills, science, math, English, Spanish, art, history – if it’s a class, I’ve probably subbed for it at one time or another.

So why would this classroom be the exception? Well, I’m currently subbing for an exceptional teacher who has been here for years and almost never misses a day of school. (hence no need for a sub in this room until now) This math teacher has faithfully fulfilled his duties year after year and is currently the longest serving teacher in this building. That’s remarkable in and of itself, because inner city public high schools have a high rate of teacher burn out, leading to a high turn over rate for teachers.

By now you must have realized that something unforeseen, unplanned and unwelcome has happened in the life of this faithful teacher to cause his absence in the first place, let alone during the final weeks of the school year, which are so critical for the students who are taking exams and hoping to pass their classes, so they don’t have to repeat them next year. And you would be right. Something unexpected has come into this teacher’s life – the diagnosis of an aggressive cancer.

At present, he is in a fight for his very life. He is undergoing chemo treatments in hopes that the cancer can be eradicated, allowing him to return to his normal life. Maybe “normal” isn’t an adequate description of his life before cancer, or of anyone’s life for that matter. “Normal” is different for each one of us. Suffice it to say that the goal, the hope, the desire, is for him to be able to return to his “pre-cancer life.” That’s why cancer patients endure the hardship inflicted on their bodies by chemotherapy. They believe and hope that after their body is nearly destroyed in the process of killing the cancer, they will survive, their health will be restored, and they will take up again the life they were living before the appearance of this deadly disease.

To this end, many of us are praying for this teacher. We are praying for his recovery from this disease. We are praying for restoration of his health and for his life to continue for many years to come. We don’t know how to pray any differently. I admit, I don’t know what else to pray or how else to pray. BUT – these words of the apostle Paul give me pause and point me to a very different perspective. Paul says this –

“now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”

now that’s a different perspective! Paul continues –

“If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know!”

He doesn’t know? Are you kidding me? Isn’t it obvious? But Paul’s not done. He continues –

“I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me.” (Philippians 1:20-26)

So there you have it. I guess I don’t have the apostle Paul’s perspective yet. Maybe one day I will. Paul says to die is gain and he says he “desires to depart and be with Christ.” Why? Because Paul says that’s “better by far.” Why don’t I feel that way? I’m pretty attached to life here on earth at the moment, even with all its sorrows, pains, losses, uncertainties, strife, hardships, illnesses, famines, wars, crime, all kinds of suffering – WOW! and that’s only a partial list! Yet I want to stay here for as long as possible? And not only myself, but when I am asked to pray for others who are ill, their request and my request on their behalf, is always to heal them and to prolong their life here on earth.

Why? Maybe it’s like what C.S. Lewis said about us – “It would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea.”

That’s me, I’m sure, with earth as my mud puddle and heaven the holiday at the sea that I am doing everything I can to avoid. I guess that’s because I truly can’t imagine what heaven will be like. It is the unknown. Earth is the known, the comfortable, even with all its troubles and trials. I read in 1 Corinthians this about what awaits me –

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him.” (1 Corinthians 1:9)

You and I have God’s promise of something better, but still we hang on to what we have here now. Actually, when God created all this, it was good, very good. It was a perfect paradise, that is until Eve made her ill advised choice and everything went south. Still, there are echos of the eternal here on earth to this day. It’s like Thorton Wilder said in his play “Our Town” –

“We all know that something is eternal. . . . There’s something way down deep that’s eternal about every human being.”

But our attachment to the temporal is strong. Emily voices this in “Our Town” when she says –

“Good-bye world. Good-bye Grover’s Corners . . . Mama and Papa. Good-bye to clocks ticking . . . and Mama’s sunflowers. And food and coffee. And new ironed dresses and hot baths. And sleeping and waking up. Oh, earth, you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you.”

And so it is, wonderful, that is. Even this fallen version of the original garden given to Adam and Eve is filled with the beauty of God’s creation everywhere we look. From sunrise to sunset, “the heavens declare the glory of God.” There are many God given joys here in this life, so it’s hard to fully understand that God is preparing something infinitely superior for us when we leave this earth. Our minds just can’t conceive of such a thing. So we pray to remain here at all costs.

What do I pray for? I find myself pleading with God for the physical healing of loved ones, family and friends who are ill, so that I and others that love them might have more time with them. Loss is painful. I don’t want to experience that pain. I don’t want to lose those I love to death. But as I pray for the temporal physical healings of those that ask me to pray for them, I am convicted to pray for more than just the physical. I am convinced I am to pray for their eternal spiritual healings with equal, if not more urgency.

Still, I find myself often conflicted as to how I should pray. It is then the story of the paralytic comes to mind, reminding me that “God is able to do more than I could ever ask for or imagine.” The paralytic simply wanted the physical healing that would allow him to walk again. But Jesus said to him, “Take heart, son; your sins are forgiven.” The Pharisees took issue with Jesus’s statement to the paralytic. Jesus responded by saying –

” ‘But so that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins . . .’ Then He said to the paralytic, ‘Get up, take your mat and go home.’ And the man got up and went home” (Matthew 9:2, 5-7)

That day the paralytic received both a physical and a spiritual healing from Jesus. He had sought out Jesus desiring only to be set free from his paralysis. But Jesus wanted to give him so much more. Jesus set him free from his sin. It wasn’t either/or, it was both!

Today I know too many who are fighting cancer or other physical ailments that make their lives hard, painful and a challenge just to get through the day. How do I pray for those I love? What do I pray for? I naturally pray for their physical healing, assuming that we all prefer more time in our mud puddle to departing for our holiday at the sea.

As I pray for what I humanly desire, my Heavenly Father reassures me that in His perfect will, all outcomes are good for those “who love the Lord and are called according to His purposes.” The apostle Paul was on to something when he said that whether he remained here on earth or he died and went to be with God – either way was a win for him!

It’s just not a win for those of us who are left behind when our loved one dies. But knowing it is a win for them brings me comfort and gives me peace, joy and hope when I need it most – when I am mourning their loss. Or more aptly put, my loss of them, as they are not lost in the least but are found, now home in the place prepared just for them. Jesus confirmed this when He told His disciples –

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in Me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with Me that you also may be where I am.” (John 14:1-3)

Today, surrounded by so many people I know desiring a miracle healing, wanting prayer – what do I pray for? I will pray God’s will (not mine) because His will is “good, perfect and pleasing” always.

I will pray – asking my Heavenly Father – “Your kingdom come, Your will be done.” And like Paul, I will know that either outcome is a good one. Because God is good.

“The Lord is good to all; He has compassion on all He has made. . . . The Lord is righteous in all His ways and loving toward all He has made.” (Psalm 145:9 & 17)

sincerely, Grace Day