I do this often – return to the scene of the crime that is. It is unavoidable unless I want to find a new grocery store, and I don’t. So every time I need to purchase food, like today for instance, I encounter them, smiling cheerfully, alluringly, innocently at all the passersby, including me. The sight of the sunflowers, there among all the other flowers for sale, triggers me every time. I can’t help it. I clutch my credit card a little tighter as I pass by, experiencing perhaps PTSD from the time they, the sunflowers, hid my credit card deep in the recesses of their water bucket, while I frantically searched the whole store looking for said credit card.

Now I know the sunflowers I see today are not the same sunflowers that took temporary custody of my credit card on that fateful day. Still, I can’t help myself. Call it stereotyping, profiling, guilt by association – but the sight of those cheerful sunflowers feigning innocence triggers me every time. I am remined of the panic and fear I experienced at their hands. (well, ok, their petals)

I didn’t realize until today that PTSD can be so persistent, or that I may be transferring my distrust of sunflowers to other varieties of flowers as well. This makes no sense, but feelings often prevail over facts and logic. I wonder if I will ever pass by the sunflowers again, without experiencing some uneasiness associated with the memory of the panic they caused me.

As I write this, it occurs to me that I need to forgive the sunflowers. Forgiveness may well be the cure for my PTSD. I need to forgive and forget in order to be set free. But can I do this? I’m reminded that God does this with me. God is not “triggered” by my past sins, my present sins, nor my future sins. He sees and knows them all – and yet He chooses something truly remarkable – forgiveness. I read in Jeremiah what God says,

“For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” (Jeremiah 31:34)

This is great news! God forgives me and forgets my sins. The prophet Micah understood this about God, writing –

“Who is a God like You, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of His inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; You will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.” (Micah 7:18-19)

If God can do all that for me, surely I can forgive the sunflowers their one and only transgression against me. God’s assurance of His forgiveness, gives me the freedom to live for Him, knowing He is not holding my past sins against me. He tells me this in Isaiah, saying –

“I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions, for My own sake, and remembers your sins no more.” (Isaiah 43:25)

Shouldn’t I do the same for the sunflowers and remember their crime no more? After all, I want the PTSD to stop. And there’s no reason to wait for an apology. The current sunflowers have no idea what their predecessors did to me. They weren’t even in the store when my missing credit card incident occurred. They were probably still unplanted seeds at that time. (see post – “it was the sunflowers”) So the choice is mine alone. The sunflowers are clueless. Kind of like I am sometimes. How grateful I am that these words are true –

“He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” (Psalm 103:10-12)

I’m so grateful to be the recipient of forgiveness that I want to be the giver of forgiveness, too. In fact, I will try to carry out Paul’s instructions in Ephesians, when he says –

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

I guess I can extend that to sunflowers, too.

sincerely, Grace Day