If I see myself reflected in another’s eyes, when they are gone and I no longer see my reflection, have I ceased to exist? Am I no longer the daughter I once was? the granddaughter I used to be? no longer a wife, a fast friend; who am I without their eyes to attest to my existence? in beholding me, reflecting back that I am seen, that I am known;
this is how I know my place in this world, where I fit, guided by what I see reflected in the eyes of those I have loved — I find my way — always know who I am, until you are no longer here — I search in vain, fearing I have vanished as well with your departure from this present place . . .
I knew myself reflected in your gaze — now I wonder who I am, (if I am even here at all?) For if I find no reflection of myself, have I ceased to exist or am I merely invisible? Then I realize the answer doesn’t matter — because there is no difference between the two — invisibility and death. They are the same in so many ways.
“But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold.” (Job 23:10)
“She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: ‘You are the God who sees me,’ for she said , ‘I have now seen the One who sees me.'” (Genesis 16:13)
” . . . I have summoned you by name; you are Mine.” (Isaiah 43:1)
“And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.” (Matthew 10:30)
“Does He not see my ways and count my every step?” (Job 31:4)
“Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” (1Cor. 13:12)
No more death, no more invisibility, no more poor reflections, just face to face fully knowing and fully being known.
“O Lord, You have searched me and You know me. . . . You are familiar with all my ways.” (Psalm 139:1&3)
I will see clearly in eternity, reflected in my Heavenly Father’s face, my identity, which belongs to Him from the foundation of the world. And on that day, there will no longer be a question of identity.
sincerely, Grace Day